


Drawback

by ZMoon



Category: Jumpchain
Genre: Implied/Referenced Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-20
Updated: 2021-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-29 01:35:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30148755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZMoon/pseuds/ZMoon
Summary: Never again.





	Drawback

**jumper**

It was less of a word and more of a pulsation of feeling. 

"That's not my name," I said, leaning away from the dark edge, but as soon as I said it I realized it was half-lie.

Memory drawbacks. Why, why, why? I sank to my knees and pressed my head on the "floor" and sat and shook as I took it all in.

No amount of CP was worth this.

"Never, never again," I muttered to myself. The presence watched with cool indifference.

"Benefactor," I said, and flinched back under its gaze -- thousands of times I had done this, why could I not get used to this? -- somehow managed to push myself back onto my knees.

"You promised to  _ protect _ me," I whispered.

**you chose your drawbacks, this experiment**

I bit my lip -- was it even my original form, l wondered as more memory slipped in -- brought my hands together in my lap.

The fact my benefactor had revealed itself to me at all before my jump ended, even in hazy dreams, was a mercy. And yet it felt like a betrayal, even though it was completely my fault.

I was so  _ stupid _ .

We sat for a long time as I collected myself. Gradually its presence shifted from menacing to comforting.

I hissed when I remembered why I had even tried this experiment in the first place. Stupid, stupid. Sheer curiosity had only gotten me failure. I would rather Jump to Hell, real Hell, the kind of things like my Benefactor went to, than Jump to a mundane world without my memories again, low-level or not.

"My companions…"

**safe**

That I knew. But to know it from my Benefactor was a comfort beyond words. I did nothing when numerous black arms rose from the void around me, began poking and prodding. There was nothing of me it hadn't seen.

**you have changed**

I considered what had happened to that pathetic, lazy human living on a nowhere planet in a nothing universe. They were dead, now, millions of years of experiences washing away the decades-old one like a tidal wave on picture in the sand. 

"How so?"

**you feel younger**

**like when you started**

**more frightened**

It was only after the Benefactor said that last part that I realized I was still shaking.

"I'm not doing it again. I promised myself."

A flash of mild amusement so brief I wondered if I had imagined it.

I opened my mouth to retort, stopped. Three promises the stripped-down me had made to myself, but did they apply still?

A quick glance into the still-trickling-in memories revealed my original self had already broken two of those promises many times.

Keep your memories, keep still and kill yourself if you believe you've lost your mind, and respect the consent of others.

Anguish, deep and cutting. I bent over again and shook through it.

Eventually I would be done, step back into the familiar bright lights of my warehouse. Not yet, not yet. 

Benefactor merely watched as I began to cry, waiting for my mental perks to kick in and fix my ruined mind.


End file.
